The Human Endeavour: Embracing Frailty in the Journey to Self-Mastery

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."

— Nelson Mandela

We make commitments to ourselves—promises to eat healthier, train more, wake up earlier—and with the best of intentions, we set off on a new path. For a few days, maybe even a few weeks, we feel invincible. We're on track, we're disciplined, and the goal feels within reach. Then, without warning, we slip. One missed workout leads to another, a single treat turns into a weekend of indulgence, and soon, we've fallen short.

This journey, one of immense personal challenge and growth, is full of these failed attempts. My own path in karate, a commitment to mastering my body and my craft, is riddled with them. A rigid training plan meant to build strength and refine my technique has been put aside more times than I can count. I've also made a commitment to myself to limit, and ultimately stop, drinking alcohol. As a social drinker, I enjoy it immensely, however I know it's a toxin that doesn't align with a long and healthy life, but it's hard to make that choice when I'm out with my karate colleagues and friends.

The fear of social rebuff is real, and it creates a constant internal conflict between my self-improvement goals and my desire to connect with my community.

It's easy to look around and feel like everyone else is excelling, that their disciplined pursuit of goals is effortless. But the truth is, this feeling of coming up short is a shared human experience. And the disappointment we feel when we break a promise to ourselves is often exacerbated by a negative spiral that takes us deeper into the abyss before we find our way back to the light.

But what if, instead of lamenting our failures, we recognised that they are not just okay, but in many ways, inevitable? This is not an excuse for a lack of effort. It's a fundamental understanding that the goals we set for ourselves are often unrealistic, a fact supported by research. Studies on New Year's resolutions, for example, consistently show that a significant majority—as high as 80-90%—fail to meet their goals. Why? Because many of these goals are set with unrealistic timeframes and without a proper consideration for the circumstances and challenges of our daily lives.

We set a lofty goal without adequately planning the small, daily habits that will get us there. So, how do we course-correct? How do we get back on the horse after we've fallen off? These are my three personal lessons for navigating this process:

1. Be kind to yourself

You’ve missed the mark, fallen short, and broken a promise to yourself. Rather than spiralling into self-hatred and despising your perceived weakness, realise that you are not infallible. The journey has many pathways, and even if you take a wrong turn, you just need to recognise it and course-correct. The Japanese have a saying, "Fall down seven times, stand up eight." What’s important is to forgive yourself and reset. Try not to miss two days in a row.

2. Focus on the journey, not just the destination

When we set a goal, it's easy to become fixated on the outcome: the black belt, the ideal weight, the perfect fitness level. But this singular focus can lead to disappointment and a sense of failure every time we stumble. Instead, shift your mindset to value the process itself. Celebrate the small victories—the workout you managed to squeeze in, the healthy meal you cooked, the five extra minutes you spent on a walk.

It's the daily, small habits that build to create big changes. The goal is the destination, but the process is where the real growth happens. Every single repetition, every drop of sweat, and every single day you show up for yourself is a victory. The person you are becoming is more important than the person you are striving to be.

3. Seek accountability and support

The journey to self-mastery can be a lonely one if you try to do it all by yourself. Trying to hold yourself accountable to a new routine is a huge effort and can be demoralising when things go wrong. Instead, lean on a support system. Find a training partner, a friend, or a family member who shares a similar goal. Tell them your commitments. Sharing your aspirations and your struggles makes them more real and can provide the external motivation you need on the days when your internal drive is low.

When I’ve shared my struggles with my sensei, it has not been a moment of shame, but a moment of connection. He understands the struggle because he has been there himself. That connection is powerful. It reminds you that you are not alone in this fight and that your community is there to help you get back on your feet.

Wrapping it up.

The human endeavour is not one of flawless victory, but of continuous learning from failure. All great things in history have come from countless attempts, from falling down and getting back up again. So many of the innovations and technological advancements of the past century were born from many, many attempts to get it right. For example, it took Thomas Edison over 1,000 tries to create a commercially viable light bulb, and the Wright brothers made hundreds of attempts at controlled flight before their historic first flight. Their stories are a testament to the power of persistence and resilience.

In your own life, remember that the journey is the reward. Be compassionate with yourself, celebrate the process, and lean on your community. Failure is not the opposite of success; it is a vital part of the path toward it. Every time you fall, you are building the strength, wisdom, resilience and humility to stand up even taller.

You've defiantly got this.

Andy McKechnie

Dojo Head

TSKF Five Dock